I am being very stubborn and staying put. Realistically, I should be going back into supported accommodation (as I have already proven that I can’t really cope alone). As it is, I’m going to try and stay where I am. This means I’m going to have to come up with a plan.

First of all, I work better if I have a schedule (even if I end up not keeping to it). Knowing that if I don’t know what to do there’s something planned makes life a lot easier for me. I’m going to come up with a loose schedule at some point in the next couple of weeks for the summer, so that everything that needs doing gets done, and that I still do the stuff I do to keep me relatively sane.

I’ve also noticed that I spend far too much time playing World of Warcraft. I’m going to create some rules around gaming, which will be easy for me to keep to (I normally keep to my own rules, as I can see the reasons for them). I’m now thinking that unless I’m in a group, instance or raid, I’m only allowed to play World of Warcraft for 2 hours. I’ve not decided if that’s at a time or per day yet, but I think it’s good to keep to anyhow.

I have other games to play. Apart from Second Life (which is not a game, but I’ve been neglecting it recently), I have bought The Sims 3 and a Wii Fit today. Another rule is going to be that I spend at least 20 minutes on the Wii Fit a day. I know this is doable as I used to have a similar rule for the dance mat, and not only did I keep to it but I also lost weight. I also have other games that I’ve not really been playing, so I’m going to make some time to play games other than WoW.

I’m getting some support from the Home Help people. They will be doing little tasks I struggle a lot with, such as taking the rubbish out and cleaning the kitchen. Becca has also offered to help with cleaning (once baby is born and things are more settled there) so I may be able to manage with getting the flat sorted. I am concerned about things like shopping and cooking, but now I have a doorbell I’m going to try online shopping again, and once I’ve bought a new microwave on Tuesday I should be okay for getting food, if I remember to eat before I get to the point where getting food is near impossible.

There’s lots of things that are being sorted out. Now, if I could spend less time in pain, I’d might be able to lead a normalish life.

I have discovered that most people want to talk to me after midnight. I know it’s my fault that I’ve forgotten to set my instant messenger status to away when I went to bed, but by most standards I actually have a pretty normal sleep routine now (though if I can get away with it it lasts a few hours longer than most peoples) so apologies to the 4 people who tried to talk to me between midnight and 4am this morning (anyone later than that (total: 1) should have known better ).

I am far more forgetful than normal now. I think it’s because my brain is completely overloaded from everything from the last few weeks, and now it’s all wonky and not doing things right. I’m even forgetting little things that I don’t normally have to think about, like wetting my hair before putting shampoo on it (and in the process using the last of the nice shampoo I had… grr). I think I need a proper rest…

… which isn’t going to happen. This is only sorta half term, as the A Level students don’t get one so I have maths on Wednesday and Friday, which means going into to college, which means the normal stress from that. Tomorrow I have a hospital appointment, Thursday I’m meant to be going bowling with Laura (which I’m looking forward to). That means that including taking Johan to the train station today, I’m still getting buses everyday this week, which is just a bit meh. I also need to sort out what I’m doing with Sammie this week.

I have enjoyed having Johan here this weekend. We didn’t do anything really- just did our normal stuff but in each other’s company. I am glad of that, as it was much more comfortable than going out would have been. We’ve eaten a lot of junk food from the pizza shop downstairs (not including the large quantities of chocolate), drank a load of pop, and just watched Buffy and I’ve played World of Warcraft (in between server problems). Yesterday Johan didn’t even get dressed, and I only did because we needed food

Today he goes home. I will be sad to see him go, but he has lectures to attend at uni. Giles will probably be disappointed with not being able to interrupt our morning cuddle sessions. When he’s gone I’ll start with sorting this flat out. I’m trying to convince Colin to take my junk to the tip, but it’s not going as well as it could. I really want to get the flat sorted properly soon, but lots of little things like that are making it difficult.

Today then. I need to find out when Vicky is coming back (she’s at her parents, and she probably told me but I’ve forgotten ) and do a tiny amount of housework. I may also go on World of Warcraft again (I want to level up soon) and maybe snuggle a bit more with Johan before he goes. I also need to find how to get to the hospital tomorrow, and beg Colin to come with me (which probably won’t work, which will mean it won’t go too great).

The hospital appointment tomorrow is at the Sleep Clinic at the Freeman. I’ve never been there before, so I have anxiety over going to somewhere new on top of my normal travel anxiety and going to hospital anxiety and having to make myself understood anxiety. I also have to remember all the stuff I needed to tell them, like the waking up not being able to breathe and just how poor my sleep actually is (since August I’ve not been properly awake). I’m also slightly worried that they’re just going to blame my depression, which though is bad now wasn’t as bad when I saw the doctor about the sleep problems last year.

Oh, and I’ve just had an email from the library saying one of the books I reserved has arrived, so I’m going to go pick that up today. I need to find all the books I’ve already got out to return them as well- I’ve already had the two renewals I’m allowed on them

I’m not really Plurking or Twittering or going into Second Life much at the moment. I’m just not up to doing the whole socialisation thing, even online (which is normally much easier). Hopefully that will get better soon. I think I’m going to need a proper break though, and Easter is a long time away.

Anyway, while we were shopping (Johan joined me) I sneakily started the partnership process with him. After I’d submitted it, he asked if we should partner (he can be a tiny bit slow ). We’re all partnered now, and I hope Alexa (Danni Ohara’s mammy) comes on so we can get some nice photos done.

In the meantime, here’s a really bad snapshot of the two of us:

Since I made everything there except the chair, I’m rather proud of it I’ve also completed all the homework Miss Clarissa has set (other than the friends one, because I don’t know who else in the class has blue eyes, and I don’t think anyone else has purple hair). I’ve spent the evening with Johan Yugen, setting up a purple penguin clubhouse on Whippersnapper sim. I still need to do loads of things for it, but it’s getting there. It’s somewhere fun I can hang out though, and since it’s open to everyone, I don’t mind who drops in

The slurl is http://slurl.com/secondlife/Whippersnapper/114/223/22 and build is open, so if you have something to add (that doesn’t break the covenant and is suitable for a child avatar) feel free to do so

Pizza @ SL/Plurkers Meetup- Pic by Mewsic

On Tuesday 30th December I went to London again, for yet another Second Lifers/Plurkers meetup. This one was held at Willow Caldera’s flat, and also attending were John, Loaf, Roxette and Mewsic (who will from now on be called “strange German dude”). Both John and I stayed at Loaf’s, where Roxette was also staying (as her and Loaf are together and things). For some reason, being in London makes me care less about appearing socially acceptable all the time (probably because no-one there knows me, barring the SL/Plurkers who already know I’m weird) so although I’m anxious with being in a big city and everything, I’m less anxious about not appearing weird to everyone. After dumping bags at Loaf’s and getting the Tube, we went to Willow’s local Tesco’s for drinks and munchies, and went back to her flat.

The best thing about this meetup is that once we’d gone to Willow’s flat, I was able to relax and just be me. This happens very rarely, as I have to be around people I know and trust, and also know that nothing I say or do will be commented on or made out to be bad or anything. While there I was pretty much constantly moving, alternating between short periods of joining in and being by myself (which just meant not actually talking to anyone- I was still in the same room) dancing, singing (both incredibly badly, as confirmed by the video strange German dude made, that you’re not going to see), stimming, and just being me. Being with friends like these is just so freeing, as I’m normally far too scared to be me.

I have a lot of friends. Most of them are online, but some of these (like those at the meetup) turn into real life friends as well. I have some real life friends that I mostly communicate with online, like Colin and those from school. I have friends from college, who I like a lot. I have friends like Vicky and Parrot, who have always accepted me as I am. I have friends in Second Life, where I’ve somehow become pretty popular and have a full friends list of people who like me and want to spend time with me. I have friends on forums, mailing lists and Plurk, who want to listen (read) to what I say (type) and respond to it.

I also have a wonderful boyfriend, John (Johan), who I love very much and care for deeply.

I am extremely lucky. I have a lot of people who like me and care about me, for who I am, and they don’t mind that I can be a bit weird sometimes, or say the wrong thing, or do something I maybe shouldn’t. They all help me in different ways, and I am very happy to be able to call them my friends.

Loaf, Willow, Roxette, me and John- Pic by Mewsic

Heck No We Won't Go! - Picture by Marianne McCann

Cuz I’m just a little girl you see
But there’s a hell of a lot more to me
Don’t ever under estimate what I can do
Don’t ever tell me how I’m meant to be
Cuz I’m just a little girl you see

– Amy Studt – Just a Little Girl

This week has been Winter Camp in Second Life again. Because of brain weirdness problems, I’ve not been able to blog much about it. I’ve managed to get in every day for at least an hour or so, even if that did mean going in on the train at one point (so long as I didn’t try to move I was fine ). Unusually for camp, there was a major holiday in the middle- New Years Eve/Day. I missed that party but did make it to the “Halloween in January” party, the Sadie Hawkins dance (I asked Johnathon Spad to the dance- he said yes!) and performed gymnastics with some friends at the talent show. I’ve had a lot of fun, made a ton of friends, and wish it would continue for longer (finishes in about 2 1/2 hours now). I know this post doesn’t do the week or camp justice, but I needed to say something about the great time I’ve had

Dancing on the last day

The last week of college in general was weird. Because of Christmas, a lot of it was different, and I found some of the smaller changes hard to cope with (not helped by being hormonal- the coil isn’t as effective as it used to be). There were only a few normal lessons, and though some of the things we did were fun, on top of everything else it was rather stressful. In many ways, I was glad to break up on the Friday lunchtime.

Since college broke up I’ve been very busy. Saturday was seeing Sammie then Christmas shopping (was meant to be in Newcastle and I did go with Vicky to see Fenwick’s window, but the MetroCentre had more of the shops I needed). Sunday was cleaning the flat (mostly), Monday was washing clothes, and Tuesday morning John came to stay. Once we’d dropped off his bags at the flat we went and finished the Christmas shopping (mostly food shopping at this point). We also went to carols at the cross in the local town, which satisfied my need to go carol singing. John even joined in on some songs

Wednesday I went to see Sammie to give her her Christmas presents. Unfortunately half of them hadn’t arrived at my flat (they’d been delivered to the pub next door) so she only got half of them when I saw her. She seemed to like them, and played with me with the plasticine hairdresser set I got her. We also went on the computer and I showed her some of the better YouTube videos out there. Wednesday afternoon I napped. and then talked to John, and did computery type things, such as filming silly YouTube videos.

Thursday was Christmas Day, and so we got up late (we didn’t go to bed until the early hours) and I cooked Christmas dinner. We had roast duck and gammon (I couldn’t find a big enough ham) and apart from forgetting the stuffing it went well. I received more penguins, purple pens, penguin activity book, a penguin brooch, The Penguin of Death mug, penguin chocolates, more penguins, a penguin candle from Sammie, and a penguin stamp. All of these I absolutely loved. I gave John a wifi strength detector t-shirt, which should be good for his geekiness

Christmas Day was a good day, not least because I didn’t get dressed (I do not like wearing clothes at all). I stayed in my pyjamas which are far more comfy. It was very relaxed, and though I would have preferred to have seen Sammie I was okay because I got to see her the day before.

Boxing Day was Sammie’s 5th birthday. I can’t believe it’s been 5 years. I went to see her in the morning, gave her her birthday presents (and the Christmas presents I’d retrieved from the pub) and played with her for a couple of hours. She’s getting so big, and I love her lots (even if I do squish a little too hard). When I got home I napped again, then watched a bit of Firefly with John (he likes it) and did some more computery stuff. He has spent a lot of time reading forums with me, and talking about silly things.

Today John goes home (to his parents’ in Leeds). We’ve not actually done much, other than munch on Quality Street and Hula Hoops. He also keeps reminding me to finish this blog post, which is very nice of him I’ve also forgotten what I was planning on writing, so I’ll finish with saying that having John here has been very nice, I’m going to miss him, and winter camp starts tonight in Second Life.

The Carver-Daikon Family

Back Row: Liliannah Triellis, Jenova Lannock
Front Row: Danni Ohara, Alexandra Daikon, Sypher Carver, Sidney Avro, Hailey Braveheart

This is my Second Life family. It’s increased in size a lot since I last blogged about it I was adopted by Alexandra Daikon well over a year ago, and we’ve been through a lot together. Her partner is Sypher Carver, who I like a lot as he’s funny. Lilannah used to be Amira Beaumont, but she’s all grown up now. Jenova is my big sister, as she’s 13. Sidney is the newest member to the family, and she’s 7. Hailey’s been my sister for a few weeks, and she’s 6. She’s lots of fun to be with

I’m still getting used to this enlarged family. I really like Sypher and Hailey, Lili I already knew (though in a younger form) and I’m slowly getting to know Jenova and Sidney. We’ve also moved from the Whippersnapper sim to another island (though I still own the Whippersnapper land) so I’m also getting used to new house. There’s a lot of changes but hopefully they’re for the best.

Danni Ohara thinking

I forgot to turn my alarms off last night. Or rather, I turned off my main alarm, and missed the one on my phone. This meant I woke up at 6am as normal, despite not getting to sleep until some time after midnight (I went to bed last night, then got struck by horrible thoughts and paranoia and I couldn’t sleep). This means I’m also sleep deprived, so again goes against the going to college idea. But I want to go! This is the last week, and I want to see my friends and do things that aren’t computer or flat related.

So big dilemma. Sensible me is saying to stay at home and rest, the other me (not sure what yet) is saying go to college, as it’s what you’re meant to do on a Monday, you want to go and you’ve missed quite a bit recently anyway. I suppose I could go, and if I feel too rotten I could come home again (though it does take about an hour and a half).

Of course there’s the little bit of me that is currently hating writing emails, who wants me to go as it means I don’t have to write one explaining my absence (though being too physically ill is much easier to write about than the mental stuff- mainly because “I have a bad cold” works better than “my brain hates me today”).

Since the last post I’ve signed up to Winter camp in Second Life It’s 27th December – 3rd January, so apart from the London trip I’ve been talked into (30th-31st December) there’s no reason for me not to go nocturnal for that period (because the camp counsellors seem to all be in America, nothing ever happens in my timezone). I also signed up my sister Hailey, so hopefully she’ll be able to come. They opened the signups at 3am my time, the meanies I do like camp, and hopefully this time my internets will work well enough for me to enjoy it properly.

I like playing a kid in Second Life. It gives me a chance to be part of a loving family, and to play on the swings in the middle of the night without being thought of as weird (or no more weird than usual, anyhow ). I enjoy going to school, and camp has been wonderful. I have made lots of friends, and am happy with the way things are going in there. It also gives me an escape from real life, even for a few hours. I don’t have to worry about anything except school, which makes a change.

I have been a kid in SL for over a year now. In that time I have learnt a lot about being a kid, and also about myself. In some ways it’s taught me some of the social interaction stuff I didn’t get to learn when I was really a kid. I made a lot of mistakes when I first started, but I’ve been learning and now have gotten the hang of it. My avatar (Danni Ohara) is very much me, as the 8 year old I wish I could have been. This means that she’s autistic, loves purple and penguins, is a geek, and like maths and computers. She does well at school, but she’s also popular and was elected Treasurer for the school government. She’s won popularity awards in both school and camp, and yet she’s still very much the person I am.

Children don’t have the same responsibilities as adults. They also don’t have as complicated relationships, and can decide to be friends with people without having to go through the really complicated getting to know you process. They are also innocent- they don’t need to know about sex, or violence, or any of that stuff. Being a kid in Second Life means I don’t have to worry about how to talk to people, and I don’t have to get involved in the areas I don’t want to (I know adult avatars shouldn’t have to either, but it’s much easier as a kid). As someone who struggles with communication sometimes, it is a lot easier being a kid as there’s less chance of what is being said being taken the wrong way. Also, kids are cute, get to wear really nice outfits, and get to play on bouncy castles and get tucked up in bed and not have to worry about silly things like bills or things.

There has been a lot of controversy about kids in Second Life. Some people believe that they’re played by real children- this is not the case. We’re adults role playing being children, trying to recapture the innocence of that time. Some people think it’s about sexual ageplay, and paedophilia. Unfortunately, there has been some of this Second Life, but the vast majority of kids in Second Life are not wanting to be involved, and the adults behind the avatars are just as disgusted as everyone else. The world press has picked up on this extremely small segment (which has now been banned by Linden Lab, thank goodness) but has failed to report on the majority of Second Life kids, who are just pretending to be like real life children.

The Second Life children community is a nice one to be a part of. There’s shops selling everything from the shapes and skins to become a child avatar, to clothes and kid’s furniture. There’s a school, camp, and lots of events and things to do. People form families, and get to role play spending quality time with mammy and daddy. It’s a lot of fun, and isn’t as creepy and weird as some of the other communities in SL (furries, after all, are accepted, not that I’m saying they’re creepy and weird). There’s also groups and blogs for those who like them sorts of things.

What do you do if you want to try being a Second Life kid? First of all, you need to look the part. If you go to one of the kid sims (Tiny Tykes at Guardian Island, Funky Town, Livingtree, others that I can’t remember off the top of my head) then you should find some stuff to get you stared. You need to decide how old you’re going to be- around 5 seems to be popular. There are plenty of adoption agencies, so finding parents shouldn’t be too hard. Try to be realistic- 7 year olds don’t normally talk with a lisp, and even 5 year olds only say some words differently. Decide what you want to do. If it’s play, there’s play areas on many sims. If it’s go to school, check out Hardknock Academy in Funky Town. If it’s just to fool around and make friends, join one of the groups (Second Life Children is a very good one). Also visit the Learning Tree on Whippersnapper sim- it’s great for those just starting out.

Bouncing on the bed with Aunt Hailey and mammy

Today is the hardest day for me in terms of lessons. Applied Communication is okay, though there’s going to be a stranger in the room and that scares me. I know what to do if it gets too much though. After lunch is Managing Anxiety, which is the lesson I’m most dreading. It’s not just that the lesson’s contents bring up a lot of hard emotions for me to deal with, but there’s someone in the class who makes it even harder as I’m scared of what he’s going to say. After that is Relationships and Sexuality, which is normally interesting (though last lesson was hard) then it’s Practical Life Skills, so I’m not too worried about that one.

Head is a little weird this morning. Thoughts going all over the place, and a lot of Star Trek references in there (probably not helped by the dream I was having just before I woke up). Of course, saying I feel like Seven of Nine in the episode “One” probably isn’t going to make sense to most people, so I need to think how to make it make sense in human terms.

College today was interesting. In Interpersonal Skills we were learning about assertiveness, and this was interesting. The assertiveness assessment thing we did asked some interesting questions, including how we’d feel about asking for a raise. Personal Progress and Portfolio Work was about working on something we want to work on. Mine is talking on the telephone, and I’ve decided to call to PP this week to discuss what we’re doing on Sunday (this is a big thing for me, as I do not get on with telephones, even to call friends). I also had an hour’s treat time (part of the points system) and went on my laptop and continued to read a book.

Tomorrow apart from lessons I have to do maths homework (including new, non-evil maths homework!), tidy my bedroom (living room got finished with Vicky’s help yesterday) and do some washing so I have clothes to wear in London this weekend. I’m not doing doing cookery this week (I don’t need to know how to cook muffins as I already know how- we’ve done them before just a different flavour) nor am I doing IT on Friday, so I can go home and travel to London earlier.

On Thursday I have a doctors appointment, to get the results of the blood tests from last week, and to discuss the tiredness problem I have. Even though it means getting into college rather late, I have a feeling I’m not going to miss much, especially since it’s Employability and the work from there is probably going to be a continuation of last weeks.

In Second Life today I went to school again. I haven’t been for ages, so it was nice to go. I’m always going to be late (I don’t get home from college until after it starts) but Miss Ava has taught me for a long, long time and she’s okay with it. I’m having to miss all the extracurricular stuff like student government debates as they’re at 1am my time, but I’ll be badgering one of the principals in the morning to see how it went. I enjoyed being Treasurer last year (even with my internet problems) and it would have been nice to cheer someone else on this time (I know that the Treasurer has been appointed as there was only one applicant, but I could cheer on the president and vice president hopefuls).

I really need to sort this blog out. I’m updating the “About Danni” page to include new information and stuff about the other two Dannis (Danni Ohara and Danni Torok), I want to make a contacts page so that my web-stalkers (there’s at least 2 I know of) can find me everywhere (and also so that interesting people can contact me, if they like), update my blog roll and links for sites that I read and visit, and other little things. I’m not changing the skin, as I like the way my blog looks now.

I guess this blog post wasn’t so short after all, but I typed it fast so it’s only been 10 minutes. Only 13 days left of NaBloPoMo, then I won’t feel obliged to blog daily anymore.

Soki with Jester Toll

Storytime at SLC Learning Tree

In real life, I’ve tidied my corner of the living room, and finally put up some of my posters and pictures. Not much, but that’s taken a lot out of me and I don’t want to do anything else. Head is all over the place and I’m scared about going to college tomorrow, but that’s nothing new.

Chestnut Rau is a Second Life avatar, blogger, Plurker and online socialiser. I’m not sure if I’ve met her in world, but I follow her on plurk and read her blog. Here she writes on writing a good profile, which should be useful for any Second Lifers out there.

Anyway, on to her blog post:

***

A complete and interesting profile is your calling card.  It tells strangers and friends a bit about you so it is worth taking the time to put together words and photos that represent yourself.  But how do you do that? Let’s start with the basics which means — cue trumpets — a Torley video!  Go here and watch it!  Torley walks you through the mechanics of how to add text, photographs, picks, classifieds and weblinks to your profile.  As always, Torley videos are entertaining and educational and if you did not know, you can find videos about many many topics in the SL Knowledge banks so if you are ever stuck its a great resource.

So the mechanics of creating a profile are pretty easy.  But what about the content?  You profile is a statement about you.  It tells the rest of the world who you are or at least who you want other people to think you are.   I am an avid profile reader and just love an interesting, funny or informative profile.   When I am at events where there are lots of people I often scan the crowd and check profiles. I admit it!  I absolutely love the pics tab.  I have found many wonderful places by checking profiles so please, for my exploring fun, add your favorite SL haunts to your profile!

If you read my profile you will learn I love music and art and that much of my SL is spent listening to live music.  It is easy enough to see this by virtue of the groups I belong to, which are displayed on the 2nd life tab.  You can get a link to my personal blog, deduce that I am from New York, and learn that I am partnered to a wonderful person.

If you check the first life tab of my profile you will notice I am married in RL and have two children.  The first life tab tends to give some people heartburn.  Many many people are loathe to share RL information and so the 1st life tab more often than not says things like “don’t bother asking” or “none of your business.”  It is rare to find a photo of a RL person accompanied by honest information.  No worries there, but I do wonder why people feel the need to include rude language challenging anyone who looks at the first life tab.  If you don’t want to share, by all means don’t!

In my experience as a profile voyeur I have observed a few things about how social circles are portrayed in profiles.   Some people describe their personal relationships in excruciating detail, embellished by photos, poetry, chat logs and poetry.  I understand the need to feel associated or even “claimed,” I do really.  I am partnered and do have a pic with a photo and some words about my partner that are meaningful to me on my profile.  What I do not understand is 5 or 7 tabs proclaiming your undying love, followed by chat logs of wedding ceremonies, followed by heartfelt break up poetry.  Your profile is viewable literally by the whole world asSL publishes them to the web.  You may want to think about that before you wear your heart on your 2nd life tab or pics page.

So now, I will turn to my least favorite ten profile cliches!

(On the first life tab)  “None of your business”

“This girl is owned by Master (fill in the blank).  If you have any problems with this girl please take it up with him.

“Drama free”  (followed by 3 pics describing the drama they have created)

Under languages “I speak typonese”

“I don’t bite — much”  or “Unless you want me to”

“Don’t mess with my friends or family or I will mess you up”

“If you wanna know something just ask, I just might answer”

Most of these statements are so over used they don’t mean a thing any more.  Please take some time to be original in your profile.  You are not just like every other avatar walking the grid.  Use your profile as a way to say who you really are.  If people see something that is interesting to them, chances are they will IM you to ask about it. Those chance encounters have lead to some of the best friendships I have in SL.  So tempt us with an interesting pic and tell the world something about yourself.

***

This is a guest post by Chestnut Rau. The topic was suggested by Harper Beresford.

My blog post will be available on Gany’s take on (any) life. Kanomi Pikajuna will be blogging about my topic, A child in an adult world: being a child avatar in Second Life, over on Stories From Another Life.

On to another blogging challenge I am taking part in. The Second Life Bloggers First Mix ‘n’ Match is a challenge in which you write a blog post on a subject someone else has chosen, to be posted on someone else’s (a different person’s) blog. I’m to write a blog post on “Religion in Second Life”, and it will be posted on the Gany’s take on (any) life blog. Chestnut Rau will be guest blogging on here about “How to write a good profile (or why I don’t care that you don’t bite… hard)”. Several of my Second Life friends are taking part, so it will be good fun (and also a hint I should blog about SL more often? ).

Today at college it was very interesting. Though I was exceedingly tired (my fault- was reading instead of sleeping, and only managed 3 hours in the end), I also discovered that some of the students were going to give a short presentation on autism and Asperger’s, and I decided to take part. I got to meet Bladen from DT finally (squee!) and from what I could hear through the door (we were late) his presentation went well. He’s cool and I’ll be seeing him a couple of lunchtimes.

Our presentation went well. I probably could have done better if I’d prepared (I pretty much had to think of answers to questions on the spot, though I did get to see the presentation a few minutes before we went to do it) but I think the important things were said. It’s interesting how the three of us who did it (Michael and Scott were the others) all had different thoughts on autism: Michael thinks it’s not a disability, but a difference, Scott thinks it’s normal, and I think it’s both a disability and a difference, but despite our Vulcanic nature we’re actually still human and deserve the same respect and rights as everyone else on the planet. (The Vulcanic nature bit was a joke- I wish I had that much control over my emotions, and telepathy and things.)

Now I need to go to bed, as I’m absolutely exhausted and I have a doctor’s appointment in the morning. It does mean I can get up a little later, as the appointment isn’t until 8.50am, but I’ll probably get up at 6am just to try and restore my routine a bit.

Okay then. I’m mostly over the cold. I’m still tired, depressed and anxious over little things, but that’s normal. I finally have a doctors appointment to discuss my hip, tiredness and brain-not-workiness. I see them on Tuesday morning. PP (a friend) stayed for a week over half term, which was nice, though it was hard for me to do anything with her because of the cold and depression and things. I’m going to London again later this month, to meet up with Johan and a couple of other people, including PP.

The brain-not-workiness is really getting to me at the moment. It’s the not being able to do things that I normally find easy and remember stuff that I should that is the hardest. Colin’s annoyed with me because I can’t fix the server, or even remember the commands to do simple stuff (I also managed to completely kill MySQL at one point on the second server). I’m not able to concentrate when reading, keep up with chat in SL, keep being killed in WoW, all because my brain no worky and I can’t concentrate. Anyway, I see the doctor on Tuesday and we’ll see if there’s anything that can be done about it.

I was hoping to go to the LUG today. I chickened out. I couldn’t get the courage to go on that bus and travel. It’s annoying, as I’d like to have gone, but I’ve decided I’m going to save all the bravery and stuff for college on Monday. I did go to the MetroCentre yesterday, which was a big thing.

I’ve not decided what I’m going to blog about this month, but will try and think of something. If I get completely stuck I can always blog about where Giles is sleeping

Last week, on Wednesday, I started college. It was Fresher’s Week (will the Americanisation of our country ever end?) so wasn’t the normal timetable and only the new students were in. I managed to get there for 9am all three days (it’s a 1 1/2 hour journey) and mostly enjoyed it. Unfortunately, I’m still ill with this stupid viral infection, and on Wednesday I had to go get a blood test. Hopefully I’ll get the results this week and they can tell me what’s wrong with me and how long I have to feel this bad.

This last weekend Johan came to stay. We went to the Tyneside LUG on Saturday, as soon as he got in (the flooding made him over an hour late) and once that had finished went around the Discovery museum. We both got some fashion ideas for Second Life. We then went to the MetroCentre to a Chinese buffet, then went to the computer shop to see if they had a decent graphics card (they don’t), then around the mobile phone shops to see what to replace my two contracts with (my Web ‘n’ Walk one is up, and my phone one is up at the end of the month). So far we’ve determined that Dan at T-Mobile will ring up his peoples and see if they’ll match the 3GB for £15 deal 3 have (they were the worst- no-one tried to help us), O2 are too arrogant and couldn’t really understand why I don’t want to change my ISP, and I’ll probably go pay as you go on my mobile. When we got home we chatted and geeked out a bit before having an early night.

Sunday we went to Segedenum in Wallsend to go look at the fort there and Hadrian’s Wall. Apart from getting there at 3.45pm (it closes at 5pm) so not having much time, it was brilliant. There was loads of stuff about the Romans, the replication of the bath house (which had water in all the wrong places ) and there was just so much history around. Johan is a really nice person to share the experience with, as he understands the attraction to shininess and purpleness. I want to take Sammie there at some point, maybe this weekend if we’re both well enough and she’s not too tired after horse riding.

This week at college has been okay, mostly. With the second years back (I’m a first year) and all the support staff there are a lot of people around, and that’s not including all the visitors and stuff. Unfortunately I’ve caught a cold on top of the viral infection I already had, so I’m even more tired and drained and hurting than normal. I’m also finding it a lot harder to tolerate stuff, like noise and people and being touched (so far once from a student, three times from support staff- humm…). That on top of my transport going wrong (what has happened to the 9.12am Metro from Central Station to South Shields? Why was it a Pelaw train?) means that it’s really difficult to cope in class. I’m hoping that as I get more used to it, and I get rid of this cold and this viral infection I’ll be able to concentrate better.

Yesterday I had my first lesson of A Level Maths. Apart from discovering that yes, I had forgotten everything but I picked it up quickly, I was amazed by how calm and quiet the class was, especially compared to my normal lessons. I arrived to the lesson about 10 minutes late (got caught up in another part of the college, and then we couldn’t find the room I was in) but didn’t miss anything, I don’t think. The teacher is really good, explaining things so I understand them first time, but my handwriting is probably going to get in the way, as I can’t read it properly (and maths is one of those lessons where a computer would be slower). I don’t think I’m going have any major problems, but will work really really hard on quadratic equations (the only bit I couldn’t grasp at GCSE- i was relieved they didn’t appear on the exam paper).

I am going to learn to drive. Channel 4 is going to do one of their Cutting Edge documentaries on people with specific learning difficulties learning to drive, and they’ve chosen Vicky and me as one of their peoples. Right now I’m trying to get my provisional driving licence sorted out (they want my original birth certificate so need to get to a Post Office to send the application special delivery- luckily my tutor at college is helping me) so that they can begin filming. They want to film both of us having a first lesson, then deciding who is going to learn to drive out of the two of us. All exciting stuff, though I am very very nervous!

Apart from all this, I’ve seen Sammie twice this week (there are definite advantages to being a computer geek ) but she’s not been well with a cold (the same one she gave me). I managed to renew my T-Mobile Web ‘n’ Walk for £5 a month (24 month contract, but as Johan rightly said, that’s only £120 in total). I had to ask Colin to bring some cat food and cat litter as we’d run out and I’m not getting home until late, and far too tired to go to the shops. I get on with nearly everyone in college, though some people have been making fun of the way I go up stairs (my hip is hurting a lot at the moment) which isn’t good at the toilets are upstairs. So a very busy couple of weeks.

Feel free to steal for non-commercial purposes. Terrible photos by me. Will try and improve quality of worst ones later on.

It is always nice to be accepted for who you are, and those I met all did so. I wasn’t quite sure what to expect, as although I knew a lot about most of them from Plurk (including all the details of Johan’s bus journeys, what time and what they ate for lunch, that WillowC is finding it hard to get up in the mornings and get on with writing her book) it isn’t quite the same as meeting them in person. Luckily, I needn’t have worried, as they were all just as friendly and funny in real life as in Second Life and on Plurk.

As always, I had a Tux in my bag, and as we got to the meal I took him out so I’d have something to focus on while calming down (unfortunately I panicked in Leicester Square tube station, as there were too many police officers. I guess I still haven’t managed to conquer that fear yet). He was a hit, and there are now several photos of him on Flickr doing various things, including eating or sniffing bacon salt, having a drink, and apparently flirting

After the meal (hamburgers, and Johan’s chair got replaced by a highchair at one point as he kept complaining he was small) we went to a pub. Funnily enough, it wasn’t the younger members of the group (Johan and me) who got IDed, but a couple of the older ones. It wasn’t too crowded or noisy in there, but it was noisy enough so that for the first half hour or so I couldn’t filter what people were saying over the background noise. Vint asked me at one point to stop wriggling (we hadn’t actually spoken on Plurk so she was unaware I was autistic) but with help from my autism alert card I think she understood that would be difficult for me (I was part rocking, part wriggling to try and stay on the bar stool, as I kept slipping off).

After going with Vint on the search for a working cash machine (the first lot we tried didn’t work) I went to the bar and ordered an alcoholic drink for myself. This is an achievement, as I find it difficult to order and am scared to order anything alcoholic due to lack of ID, but since I was already in there I knew they knew/thought I was over 18. By this point people were leaving the area we were sitting in, so I was able to hear and understand the conversation, and was able to join in. The alcohol also relaxed me, which helped (except for the staying on the bar stool problem). There were also these really cool colour-change lights that I was able to watch

Eventually we determined that we would have to leave if we wanted to get back to the various places we were staying, and Oli had managed to miss his train home. Vint, Tenebrous and DakotaB all went back to where they were staying, and the rest of us got the tube. As Oli had missed his train, he was to stay at Loaf’s along with Johan and me, and we managed to convince WillowC to come along as well (Loaf’s promise that his had vodka helped). After getting back (bus replacement service meant it took a lot longer than it should, plus Loaf lives about as far out as is connected by the Tube station) we continued chatting, and it turned out that Loaf had absinthe, which even Johan was convinced to have a bit of.

I think I got the most sleep, as I went up to bed at 4.30am (though fell asleep around 5am). I was aware of several people going to the bathroom at various times, and was awake at 10.30am, though didn’t get out of bed until 11am. That was when everyone else started getting up, and Loaf made a delicious fried breakfast, with bacon salt. We stayed to chat and things until around 3pm, when Loaf drove us to a tube station (his local still had the bus replacement service) and we all went our seperate ways.

I went back to Leicester Square, hoping to go see The Dark Knight at the Odeon there, but they’d sold out of tickets by the time I got there. I bought a ticket to see Angus, Thongs and Full Frontal Snogging instead at the Vue, and went into McDonalds for an ice cream. The machine was broken, so I had a milkshake instead. What I didn’t realise was that it was the hottest day of the year so far, and the temperature in London was 30?C. After the film (which was really funny, and quite faithful to the books) I went to Victoria coach station, and enjoyed the bouncy seats on the Victoria line (I didn’t enjoy the heat so much). The coach station was noisy, hot and pretty crowded, and in the end I paid 20p to go into the toilets to try and calm down, as I was very anxious. I managed to get back to a reasonable state, only to find even more people waiting for the coach.

It turned out that there were so many people on that service that they were using two coaches, and I was on the second one (the first was only to Edinburgh). Unfortunately there are only two seats with decent leg room, and someone else with long legs sat next to me. This made me anxious as I was very aware of him, and when he slept he ended up leaning on me, which was very uncomfortable and made me want to poke him (I didn’t, instead I took some of the diazepam I had taken with me in case I needed it). I eventually got home at about 6.40am, and caught up with my Plurks and went to bed.

I have learnt many things from this trip. I actually enjoy socialising when I know the people well (they were very like what I was expecting, thanks to Plurk) and know what’s going to happen. My balance problems are still pretty bad, and I need to avoid bar stools. Most people don’t notice me stimming, and those who do are okay with it once they know I’m autistic. Coach journeys are a no-no, and I’ll get the train next time. People can accept me for me. Tux is great, as I can use him as a prop to get to know people while I get used to the situation. I still managed to knock a lot of things over even before I started drinking, but that’s okay. I want to do it again

To end this post, links to the flickr pages of those who took pictures:
Loaf’s Pictures
Tenebrous’ Pictures
Vint’s Pictures

And blog posts:
DakotaB’s Blog Post

In Second Life it is the Relay for Life, 24 hours of laps around a track to raise money to fight cancer (it is run by the American Cancer Society, which is connected to Cancer Research UK). All the campers at Camp Hardknock have relocated for these 24 hours to the Purple Tears camp on the relay. Here’s a video about us:

Also, Mr Gattz is wearing a purple dress, but that’s for my other blog