It’s coming up to summer. College is soon ending, and then I’ll have the summer holidays with not much planned. Vicky is moving out on the 14th June, the residential trip is 17th-19th June, then various things are happening at college until we finish on the 3rd July. Then until September I’ll be spending most of my time alone in my flat.

I am being very stubborn and staying put. Realistically, I should be going back into supported accommodation (as I have already proven that I can’t really cope alone). As it is, I’m going to try and stay where I am. This means I’m going to have to come up with a plan.

First of all, I work better if I have a schedule (even if I end up not keeping to it). Knowing that if I don’t know what to do there’s something planned makes life a lot easier for me. I’m going to come up with a loose schedule at some point in the next couple of weeks for the summer, so that everything that needs doing gets done, and that I still do the stuff I do to keep me relatively sane.

I’ve also noticed that I spend far too much time playing World of Warcraft. I’m going to create some rules around gaming, which will be easy for me to keep to (I normally keep to my own rules, as I can see the reasons for them). I’m now thinking that unless I’m in a group, instance or raid, I’m only allowed to play World of Warcraft for 2 hours. I’ve not decided if that’s at a time or per day yet, but I think it’s good to keep to anyhow.

I have other games to play. Apart from Second Life (which is not a game, but I’ve been neglecting it recently), I have bought The Sims 3 and a Wii Fit today. Another rule is going to be that I spend at least 20 minutes on the Wii Fit a day. I know this is doable as I used to have a similar rule for the dance mat, and not only did I keep to it but I also lost weight. I also have other games that I’ve not really been playing, so I’m going to make some time to play games other than WoW.

I’m getting some support from the Home Help people. They will be doing little tasks I struggle a lot with, such as taking the rubbish out and cleaning the kitchen. Becca has also offered to help with cleaning (once baby is born and things are more settled there) so I may be able to manage with getting the flat sorted. I am concerned about things like shopping and cooking, but now I have a doorbell I’m going to try online shopping again, and once I’ve bought a new microwave on Tuesday I should be okay for getting food, if I remember to eat before I get to the point where getting food is near impossible.

There’s lots of things that are being sorted out. Now, if I could spend less time in pain, I’d might be able to lead a normalish life.

I have been thinking (don’t all fall out of your seats- this actually happens all the time, just most of what I think doesn’t make any sense). I am going to make a list of the things I feel I need help with, and give it to people who may need it. It will hopefully also explain why I’m struggling so much at the moment. Next step will be to actually get help for the most important things on that list (at the moment, someone to come with me to hospital appointments).

I have discovered that most people want to talk to me after midnight. I know it’s my fault that I’ve forgotten to set my instant messenger status to away when I went to bed, but by most standards I actually have a pretty normal sleep routine now (though if I can get away with it it lasts a few hours longer than most peoples) so apologies to the 4 people who tried to talk to me between midnight and 4am this morning (anyone later than that (total: 1) should have known better ).

I am far more forgetful than normal now. I think it’s because my brain is completely overloaded from everything from the last few weeks, and now it’s all wonky and not doing things right. I’m even forgetting little things that I don’t normally have to think about, like wetting my hair before putting shampoo on it (and in the process using the last of the nice shampoo I had… grr). I think I need a proper rest…

… which isn’t going to happen. This is only sorta half term, as the A Level students don’t get one so I have maths on Wednesday and Friday, which means going into to college, which means the normal stress from that. Tomorrow I have a hospital appointment, Thursday I’m meant to be going bowling with Laura (which I’m looking forward to). That means that including taking Johan to the train station today, I’m still getting buses everyday this week, which is just a bit meh. I also need to sort out what I’m doing with Sammie this week.

I have enjoyed having Johan here this weekend. We didn’t do anything really- just did our normal stuff but in each other’s company. I am glad of that, as it was much more comfortable than going out would have been. We’ve eaten a lot of junk food from the pizza shop downstairs (not including the large quantities of chocolate), drank a load of pop, and just watched Buffy and I’ve played World of Warcraft (in between server problems). Yesterday Johan didn’t even get dressed, and I only did because we needed food

Today he goes home. I will be sad to see him go, but he has lectures to attend at uni. Giles will probably be disappointed with not being able to interrupt our morning cuddle sessions. When he’s gone I’ll start with sorting this flat out. I’m trying to convince Colin to take my junk to the tip, but it’s not going as well as it could. I really want to get the flat sorted properly soon, but lots of little things like that are making it difficult.

Today then. I need to find out when Vicky is coming back (she’s at her parents, and she probably told me but I’ve forgotten ) and do a tiny amount of housework. I may also go on World of Warcraft again (I want to level up soon) and maybe snuggle a bit more with Johan before he goes. I also need to find how to get to the hospital tomorrow, and beg Colin to come with me (which probably won’t work, which will mean it won’t go too great).

The hospital appointment tomorrow is at the Sleep Clinic at the Freeman. I’ve never been there before, so I have anxiety over going to somewhere new on top of my normal travel anxiety and going to hospital anxiety and having to make myself understood anxiety. I also have to remember all the stuff I needed to tell them, like the waking up not being able to breathe and just how poor my sleep actually is (since August I’ve not been properly awake). I’m also slightly worried that they’re just going to blame my depression, which though is bad now wasn’t as bad when I saw the doctor about the sleep problems last year.

Oh, and I’ve just had an email from the library saying one of the books I reserved has arrived, so I’m going to go pick that up today. I need to find all the books I’ve already got out to return them as well- I’ve already had the two renewals I’m allowed on them

I’m not really Plurking or Twittering or going into Second Life much at the moment. I’m just not up to doing the whole socialisation thing, even online (which is normally much easier). Hopefully that will get better soon. I think I’m going to need a proper break though, and Easter is a long time away.

Today, at a loss for what to do (I’m too ill to do anything big in real life, and my brain is too messy for World of Warcraft or anything big in Second Life) I went on Danni Torok to start shopping. As Johan had bought some purple lingerie a little while ago (I think I’d asked him to at Willow’s Plurk party) I decided to get some for Danni Torok. I also went to Bluebell’s (Roxette’s shop) and got some shoes and a couple of dresses.

Anyway, while we were shopping (Johan joined me) I sneakily started the partnership process with him. After I’d submitted it, he asked if we should partner (he can be a tiny bit slow ). We’re all partnered now, and I hope Alexa (Danni Ohara’s mammy) comes on so we can get some nice photos done.

In the meantime, here’s a really bad snapshot of the two of us: