“This was a triumph. I’m making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS. It’s hard to overstate my satisfaction.”

Okay, I’ll stop singing now

I haven’t blogged for a while (no, posting YouTube videos doesn’t count). The main reason being I was unable to write anything coherent for several months. I did try to start some posts, but I’d lose concentration and not be able to work out what I was writing about.

So… last few months. My mood has improved. A lot. I’m able to be happy again. Overall, I feel more positive, more upbeat. I’m happy most days. I do still have the occasional bad day, but that’s because I’m human, and it’s not the end of the world. I get over the bad days pretty quickly. If I could, I’d be very bouncy. I want to do things. I want to go out, see people, have new experiences. There’s a big world out there, and I’ve only seen a tiny part of it.

I feel more positive about the future. I do have one. It might be a bit wonky and not be exactly what I want, but I can see myself getting to the place I want to be (though it may be 8 years later than I originally wanted).

Not everything is good though. I’m still in a near constant state of anxiety, and I still have panic attacks pretty much every time I go out. Oh, and my body is failing me. I thought initially that the tiredness I’m getting was just depression or the medication, but I’m no longer depressed and the medication hasn’t been changed, and it’s getting worse. I’m also achy and in pain all the time, and some days I can’t even walk. My hip is also worse than it was. Because of this, I now have a crutch (to try and take the weight off my hip so it’s not as bad) and a wheelchair (for when the tiredness and pain get too much, and for when I can’t walk). I’ve named the wheelchair Freedom as it means I can now go out again, whereas before I was cancelling pretty much everything as I was either too tired or in too much pain to walk. If I do go out, I spend the next day barely able to stay awake (normally sleeping around 16-18 hours of it) and struggling to move, even to go to the toilet or back up to bed. Sometimes I even have to sleep on the sofa because I can’t get up the stairs. The day after I’m still exhausted and finding it hard to move, but I only sleep around 14 hours, and then it takes a few days to get back to my normal sleep 8-12 hours and can move around the flat freely, if not for long. That’s why I don’t go out much, and why I’ve got the wheelchair.

Overall though, I’m a lot better. Okay, so physically I’m a lot worse than I was, but I can adapt to that. I’ve also seen the doctor, and he’s confident he’ll have me back to normal (or at least better than I am now) before September. This is important, as I’m going back to college then I’m doing AS Computing this year, with Edexcel WorkSkills at Interface, and should be in college 2 1/2 days a week. Next year I’m hoping to do the A2 Computing, and then after that, if my grades are good enough, go do the Computer and Network Technology Extended Degree at Northumbria (it includes a foundation year). It’s the long way of doing it, but hopefully two years part time will be long enough to get me sorted out.

I’m still playing World of Warcraft. I’ve killed the Lich King, and we’re working on Ruby Sanctum now. I spend a lot less time in there- pretty much only log in for raids. I haven’t the concentration needed to do other stuff really.

Other than that I’ve not been up to much. I’m hoping to begin blogging properly again now.

Looks like college is unrealistic for the near future. I don’t think Friday’s doctors appointment can come soon enough.

Today’s video: River Tam Beats Up Everyone (based on this comic):

Never made it into college. Stupid brain be stupid.

Played a little Guitar Hero today. I have some songs I can now manage on medium. I’m improving, but my lack of concentration makes it frustrating.

Today’s video: Captain Janeway’s Hair

Well, after giving back Baby Martin to his mummy, I went to bed, so I’ve been asleep since 2pm. Only woke up an hour ago and will have to go back to bed in a few minutes. Ah well

College tomorrow, which I’m not looking forward to. I’ve missed so much and have a lot of catching up to do, at the same time my brain is being made stupid by my medication. Fun. I’m not entirely sure I can catch up, but am going to try this week. I’m also thinking of getting Sky television, as I miss it so much. Will decide on Tuesday.

Today’s video: Tim Minchin – Canvas Bags

Well, today has been slightly more eventful, in that I made it to college to decide what I’m going to do. Decided to try going back next week, see if I can catch up on the work I’ve missed and continue with the course. If not, going to look into other options like doing another course or something. Will be interesting on the days I have to take my medication on the way home to have any chance of waking up in time for lessons the next morning.

This evening, I’ve watched fireworks out of the window (and jumped at the big bangs), and got an invite to a raid group in WoW. Knowing I’d declined for Trial of the Crusader 10 man, I got very confused. Turns out they were inviting me because 1) They needed another healer, 2) I was meant to do Ulduar 10 man, and it didn’t happen so they were inviting me here instead and 3) They thought I was good enough for it.

Turns out they were right on number 3. We went in to do it and pretty much cleared it with no problems. We wiped a couple of times, and I died a few more (mainly because I wasn’t prepared as I’d never been there before) but it went well, and I healed the encounters fine.

I’m a bit more confident when it comes to raid healing than I was. I now know I can do it, with the right group (overpowered group is overpowered), and that my guild has more faith in my abilities than I do. I love them guys!

Today’s video: a funny parody I’ve found on YouTube, that is the opposite of what happened tonight