I got the idea for writing this blog post yesterday while watching Vicky rereading her book for dyspraxic teenagers (Caged in Chaos- an awesome book you should read) and while I was spilling most of my dinner down the front of my clothes. I am also aware that Maddy commented years ago on my About Me asking what it was like to be an adult dyspraxic.
For me, being an adult with dyspraxia is different from being a dyspraxic child or teenager. When I was younger, it was very obvious that I was more clumsy and struggled more when it came to PE or practical tasks. Today these are less obvious, as I don’t do PE anymore, and I am able to move around without falling as much. It still affects me though, but in different ways to when I had my class yelling at me for losing yet another game in PE.
One of the reasons why things seem different for me is that I am aware of my difficulties, and I’ve adapted to them as well as I can. Yes, I’m still clumsy and a bit odd, but it doesn’t show as much now. Since leaving school and home, I have not needed to do any group sports,I haven’t needed to write so much by hand and I no longer get told off for using a knife and fork incorrectly or for taking so long to wash the dishes. Falling off a bike isn’t an issue if you just don’t ride one 
There are still areas where I struggle, though I’ve mostly learnt to compensate for them. To me, the biggest problem that I still have that’s related to dyspraxia is bumping into people, especially in public places. I hate being touched by people I don’t know, and when I bump into other people not only do I feel bad for invading their personal space and possibly hurting them, but also because it feels like I’ve been invaded. Despite years of trying, I still can’t quite tell how far away people are, or manoeuvre my body quickly enough or where I want it so that I can avoid them.
Also to do with public spaces, I have a fear of public staircases. I feel very unbalanced going up and down the stairs, and still slip or trip on them occasionally. If you add to this the unpredictable (to me) behaviour of other people, and my ability to somehow bump into them while trying not to, then you can get a possible recipe for disaster. I haven’t actually knocked anyone down the stairs in the past few years, but the fear of doing so is still there, and I avoid them if possible, On the other hand, though most dyspraxics I know do not like escalators (they have problems judging when to get on or off) I like them, as once I’ve negotiated my way on them I don’t have to move until it’s time to get off them again.
Another problem I have is standing still for any length of time. I just can’t do it. This causes problems when I’m in a queue, or when there’s no seats on the bus, as I can’t stand for the length of time I need to. If a queue is too long at a supermarket or similar, then I just don’t finish my shopping, or I move around as much as possible in the space I have. I also grab onto anything that’s available for balance, and often lean on the other counter to be able to stay upright. On buses and trains, if there are no seats available, I will sit anywhere I can, including the floor. This sometimes annoys the other passengers, but occasionally one of them will offer me their seat. Of course, being seated doesn’t mean I’ll be safe- I’ve fallen off my seat before, and I get embarrassed when asked by the driver if I’m okay. I also scare drivers by falling over while trying to leave the bus.
At home, most of the ways dyspraxia affects me are practical. It takes me a lot longer than it probably should to complete a task, uses a lot more energy, and often isn’t done to a decent standard, though I am improving. An example of this is cooking. I have some nice recipes for healthy food, that I like to eat. My favourite of these is probably for risotto, yet I don’t make it that often. This is because it takes so long and makes me so tired I can’t enjoy it afterwards. The recipe states it should take 20 minutes to prepare, 20 minutes to cook. It has never taken me less than 90 minutes to prepare, or 40 minutes to cook. Over two hours is a long time to be making a simple meal. To start with, I’m disorganised, so it takes me a while to get all the ingredients together. Often I discover I’ve forgotten to buy one of them (memory problems are common in dyspraxics) and have to go to the shop to get it. I’ve still not managed to get the preparation bit yet. Next up is weighing and measuring the ingredients. I don’t have any real problems with weights and measures, but this is a great mess-making opportunity, as I struggle to control how much rice is coming out of the bag and end up with half of it over the counters and floor. Also I end up knocking things over at various points, causing yet more mess. Once I have the right amounts, it’s time to chop vegetables and stuff. This is hard, as the knife doesn’t do what I want it to do, and my hands are scarred from previous attempts have ended up with me missing the vegetables and ending up cutting myself instead. Also, it’s very slow, as I can’t get the strength behind the knife, my hands and arms get very achy after a short period of time so I have to take short breaks, and there seems to be so much to do.
Next up is making the stock up. Hot water is involved here, along with carrying heavy kettles. I normally manage it without spilling any, but it’s a struggle and takes a lot of concentration. I then have to mix the water with the stock cubes, and I’ve yet to figure out how to do it so they’re actually mixed properly.
Cooking is also hard because once I’ve finished all that preparation, I’ve still yet to cook whatever it is, and for risotto that means standing at the cooker until it’s done, which takes about 40 minutes. My limit for standing there is around 5 minutes, so I really struggle and end up in a lot of pain while doing this. The last time I ended up sitting on a chair to stir the risotto (which wasn’t high enough) and that also meant while I was stirring I was also occasionally spilling it on me). After I’d done, the kitchen was a tip, I was very tired and in a lot of pain, but I had food.
Pretty much all household tasks are difficult in some way. Cleaning requires scrubbing and reaching, and these are very tiring. Making a bed requires coordination, and I have to really concentrate to get it done. I can actually do most tasks, but the concentration it requires and the pain it causes is often not worth it.
The other area where to me the dyspraxia is noticeable is when I am writing. Writing for any real length of time hurts, and the pain gets worse the longer I write for. I also have to really concentrate to make my writing legible, and the legibility of it decreases as I write for longer. My writing isn’t too bad when I start off, but the deterioration when I’ve been going for a few minutes is not good. Because of the pain and my dislike for writing, I try to type whenever possible (my typing speed is a lot faster than my writing speed, and I don’t have to worry about forming the letters) and only write when I have to, like during my maths lessons (as it’s one of the few areas where using a computer is slower than doing it by hand). The other frustrating thing about writing is that often I am thinking to write one word or letter, and something else ends up coming out. I hate that.
Despite all this, I am used to being dyspraxic. Yes, the difficulties it can cause and the frustration I feel when things just aren’t going right are not always good, but it is such a part of me now that I wouldn’t want to be any more cured of it than of my autism or having blue eyes.
