Danni's Blog

Danni Matzk doesn’t exist any more. This is because I got married today, so am now Mrs. Danni Brennand.

I will be transferring my blogging over to Dannilion.com over the next few days. This blog will remain here, but I’ll be closing comments for all except this post. I feel that this new chapter in my life is also a good time to start a new blog

I’m waiting for my medication to kick in, and have run out of space on my whiteboard, so I’m going to write a post with some reminders in it.

I need a new toilet brush, because mine finally broke completely. Did you know you could get toilet brushes for £140? Complete madness, since you can get one that looks pretty similar in Asda for around £5. Which I’m probably going to get, because it’s chrome and that means it’s shiny, plus I can get the matching bin for only £8 for the two, and more shininess is good.

I want to get some different toothpaste, as my teeth are really sensitive at the moment.

We need some kitchen roll. Also kitchen cleaner, as Johan’s responsible for the kitchen and it’s easier for him.

Food is good. We’ll need more food, though I’m going to go through the fridge freezer and cupboards tomorrow to figure out what we already have.

I’m nearly out of water and diet cola. My rule of one bottle of sparkling water for every bottle of diet cola is good, though I can’t take my medication with water. Tastes too bad.

Pure orange/apple juice for Johan. Bread for me, plus spread and something to put on it.

I think we’re okay for pretty much everything else.

Stolen from Action Replay Girl aka Dee Dee Ramona.

1. If you’re reading my blog, I want to know 35 things about you. I don’t care if we never talk, or if we already know everything about each other. Short and sweet is fine.
2. Comment here with your answers and repost the questionnaire on your own blog, if you so desire.

01) Are you currently in a serious relationship:
Yes

02) What was your dream growing up:
I wanted to be a computer programmer. That’s morphed into wanting to be a network engineer

03) What talent do you wish you had:
Being able to draw the stuff in my head.

04) If I bought you a drink what would it be:
Depends. Diet Coke or cider.

05) Favourite vegetable:
Carrots.

06) What was the last book you read:
Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card

07) What zodiac sign are you:
Gemini.

08) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where:
I got my ears pierced when I was 22, but the holes have closed up now.

09) Worst Habit:
Nail biting.

10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride:
No. Wheelchair is mine!

11) What is your favourite sport:
Gymnastics to watch.

12) Do you have a Pessimistic or Optimistic attitude:
According to Johan, I’m kinda in the middle

13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me:
Probably ignore you and play on my phone

14) Worst thing to ever happen to you:] OPTIONAL — substitute “best” or “weirdest,” if you prefer
Hard to pick, but the time I wasn’t believed over something serious is one of them.

15) Tell me one weird fact about you:
When I was younger, I’d memorise entire text books. I didn’t realise other people couldn’t do that until a few years ago (Oh, and I can also touch my nose with my tongue.)

16) Do you have any pets:
I have half ownership in an elderly cat called Giles. He lives with my friend Vicky.

17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly:
I’d probably politely tell you to get lost I don’t deal with that sort of thing very well. Please give at least 20 minutes notice, so I can get out of bed if needs be

18) What was your first impression of me:
Her writings, I likes.

19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary:
Depends on the clown. I’ve seen some really creepy ones…

20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be:
Lose the fat around my face.

21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience:
Depends on the crime

22) What colour eyes do you have:
Blue.

23) Ever been arrested:
No, but I have been taken from my home to the hospital by the police before, without my consent.

24) Bottle or can soda:
Bottles, as I seem to spill more down my front when drinking from a can.

25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it:
About £6550 at the moment. Erm… get a new computer, decorate, save the rest for stuff we need.

26) What’s your favourite place to hang out at:
Under my desk

27) Do you believe in ghosts:
I don’t know.

28) Favourite thing to do in your spare time:
Play computer games, read, visit new places, sleep.

29) Do you swear a lot:
No, which means when I do, it has much more of an effect

30) Biggest pet peeve:
As soon as someone gets told I’m autistic, they start talking to me as if I’m 2 years old. It doesn’t happen with everyone (thankfully), but it really annoys me (dentist at hospital was the worst).

31) In one word, how would you describe yourself:
Weird.

32) Do you believe/appreciate romance:
Yup

33) Favourite and least favourite food:
Favourite: Chocolate, bananas and chicken.
Least favourite:Nuts (especially peanuts). Even the smell can make me feel really sick.

34) Do you believe in God/a higher power/whatever you want to call it:
Yes.

35) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you:
Indeed

“This was a triumph. I’m making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS. It’s hard to overstate my satisfaction.”

Okay, I’ll stop singing now

I haven’t blogged for a while (no, posting YouTube videos doesn’t count). The main reason being I was unable to write anything coherent for several months. I did try to start some posts, but I’d lose concentration and not be able to work out what I was writing about.

So… last few months. My mood has improved. A lot. I’m able to be happy again. Overall, I feel more positive, more upbeat. I’m happy most days. I do still have the occasional bad day, but that’s because I’m human, and it’s not the end of the world. I get over the bad days pretty quickly. If I could, I’d be very bouncy. I want to do things. I want to go out, see people, have new experiences. There’s a big world out there, and I’ve only seen a tiny part of it.

I feel more positive about the future. I do have one. It might be a bit wonky and not be exactly what I want, but I can see myself getting to the place I want to be (though it may be 8 years later than I originally wanted).

Not everything is good though. I’m still in a near constant state of anxiety, and I still have panic attacks pretty much every time I go out. Oh, and my body is failing me. I thought initially that the tiredness I’m getting was just depression or the medication, but I’m no longer depressed and the medication hasn’t been changed, and it’s getting worse. I’m also achy and in pain all the time, and some days I can’t even walk. My hip is also worse than it was. Because of this, I now have a crutch (to try and take the weight off my hip so it’s not as bad) and a wheelchair (for when the tiredness and pain get too much, and for when I can’t walk). I’ve named the wheelchair Freedom as it means I can now go out again, whereas before I was cancelling pretty much everything as I was either too tired or in too much pain to walk. If I do go out, I spend the next day barely able to stay awake (normally sleeping around 16-18 hours of it) and struggling to move, even to go to the toilet or back up to bed. Sometimes I even have to sleep on the sofa because I can’t get up the stairs. The day after I’m still exhausted and finding it hard to move, but I only sleep around 14 hours, and then it takes a few days to get back to my normal sleep 8-12 hours and can move around the flat freely, if not for long. That’s why I don’t go out much, and why I’ve got the wheelchair.

Overall though, I’m a lot better. Okay, so physically I’m a lot worse than I was, but I can adapt to that. I’ve also seen the doctor, and he’s confident he’ll have me back to normal (or at least better than I am now) before September. This is important, as I’m going back to college then I’m doing AS Computing this year, with Edexcel WorkSkills at Interface, and should be in college 2 1/2 days a week. Next year I’m hoping to do the A2 Computing, and then after that, if my grades are good enough, go do the Computer and Network Technology Extended Degree at Northumbria (it includes a foundation year). It’s the long way of doing it, but hopefully two years part time will be long enough to get me sorted out.

I’m still playing World of Warcraft. I’ve killed the Lich King, and we’re working on Ruby Sanctum now. I spend a lot less time in there- pretty much only log in for raids. I haven’t the concentration needed to do other stuff really.

Other than that I’ve not been up to much. I’m hoping to begin blogging properly again now.